Values: Absence of Conceit (Demanding respect) (130)


Lesson 130 is Value 1: Absence of demanding respect for one's accomplishments or excessive pride.

Source: Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 13, Verse 7.

Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 13, Verse 7:

Value 1: Amānitvam: Absence of conceit (demanding respect from excessive pride)

  • What is it? Wanting others to see AND treat you in a certain way (which you’ve already decided in your mind). Meaning, one has predefined what it means to receive respect.
    • EG: When attending event, we compare how others are being treated, how I’m being treated. So instead of being present, we’re concerned how person should talk and respond to my accomplishments.
    • Mind is invested in proving one is a worthy/good human being.
    • Mānitvam means: Having exaggerated opinion about oneself. Or excessive pride.
  • What is basis for mānitvam?
    • Insecurity. The more insecure, the more need to project yourself. EG: Duryodhana.
    • The more confident, the less need to project oneself outwards. The more you are evolved, the less have need to show to others.
  • Examples how society show their need to feel respected:
    1. People put you into boxes by asking you questions.
    2. Emotional arrogance:
      • Passive-aggressive. “You won’t understand!”.
    3. Intellectual arrogance:
      • Wants to win all the time. Correcting. Using one’s buddhi not to understand anther point of view, but to negate.
    4. Spiritual arrogance:
      • “Everyone is ignorant, they're lost souls! I'm superior.” Looking down on 99% of population as material. Remains same person, judging everyone. Creating artificial superiority within.
      • Put show of kindness/compassion/vulnerability. But out of agenda to being seen/likes/respected.
  • Opposite EXTREME is to deny respect.
    • This is going against Ishvara’s psychological order; every human thrives on feeling admired for some skill.
    • Thus don’t pretend, “Nothing matters to me”.
  • How to free yourself from mānitvam? (An insecurity that compels you to want people to treat you with respect according to your defined rules.)
    1. See it's foolishness.
      1. Your qualifications may not be recognized by another.
        • EG: You may not recognize #1 chef in the world.
        • EG: Celebrities constantly hurt, because they want to be recognized wherever they go. But if person doesn't have value for action movies, then celebrity won't be recognized/respected.
        • SUMMARY: You only value something from your own value structure.
      2. Person may not feel good, thus won't show respect.
      3. Their mind is distorted, and respect/admiration has turned into jealousy.
        • EG: In intimate relationship: Each is trying to feel respected, by having one’s likes/dislikes satisfied by the other. If both are looking for respect, then whose to GIVE? Noone.
      4. You can’t be best at anything. No matter how much you know, it’s actually only a fraction of total knowledge.
    2. Become the person who commands respects. EG: Flower can't help itself but to bloom. It's blossoms commands respect.
    3. By demanding respect, it turns people away. And we need people to succeed in life and maintain our position in society.
    4. You are not owner of your body (you didn't create neurons). Nothing here belongs to you.
    5. Understanding that excessive pride (or entitlement to how I should be treated), can only survive if you ignore the fact that you needed so many people/resources to enjoy your present accomplishments.
    6. Another person shows respect in a different method which you don't interpret as such.
      • EG: Their version of showing respect is offering help. But you prefer receiving words of affirmation.
    7. Person doesn't understand the value of your talent/position. However in future, when they find out for themselves, only then he/she would show respect if you were around.
      • EG: Offspring may develop a new level of respect for parents in adulthood, when they too experience the sacrifice of parenthood.
    8. All points above demonstrate that it's silly demanding or expecting signs of respect — considering many variables are beyond your immediate perception.
  • What to do if mānitvam keeps reappearing?
    • Step 1:Here is me again asking for respect!”.
    • Step 2: Apply one of solutions above. EG:If this act really matters to me personally, then I wouldn’t be doing it for sake of getting respect, but because it fulfills me greatly. The respect I receive is only incidental.
  • What is indicator that manitva is going away? You are more comfortable with yourself.




Credit for help in Bhagavad Gita teaching given to Swami Dayananda (Arsha Vidya), Paramarthananda & Chinmaya Mission.

Recorded 15 June, 2021


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